10 things love and sex experts are dying to tell you

August 5, 2006
So far I remember, I have found these 10 things from MSN and they are nice tips, which are quite interesting to know.

1. Never underestimate the power of a compliment

“Every day, tell your partner about one thing they did that you appreciate. Everybody is quick to let their partner know what they didn’t do right, and what made you angry. Make sure you balance this with what they do that pleases you. From the small things to the big things, the more you say ‘Thank you,’ the more of what makes you happy will come your way.”

2. Listen more, talk less

“Communication is 85 percent listening and 15 percent talking. The more you listen, the more you’ll enhance communication. Try getting out of the house, taking a long walk without your cell phones, and just looking into your partner’s eyes and listening to him. It’s an amazing thing in a relationship when you truly feel listened to!”
—Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D.

3. Sweep your problems (the little ones) under the rug

“It really is okay to drop certain subjects and not even come back to them. People think this means you’re avoiding key issues. But for everyday little things, successful couples agree to ignore the small problems. It’s not worth the aggravation to insist on winning everything.”
—David Wexler, Ph.D.

4. Treat your love like a cherished friendship

“The happiest couples relate to each other with respect, affection, and empathy. They choose their words carefully, avoiding the most poisonous relationship behaviors—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling— and feel emotionally connected.”
—John Gottman, Ph.D.

5. To change your relationship, change yourself

“In most relationships, we think, I’m right, you’re wrong, and I’ll try to convince you to change. The truth is, if one person changes, the relationship changes. People say, ‘Why do I have to change?’ But when I show them how to tip over the first domino, their only question is, ‘Why did I wait so long?'”
—Michele Weiner-Davis

6. Watch out for harsh comments—they hit harder than you think

“When you’re tired or frustrated, it’s easy to slip into being critical of your partner. But remember, negative expressions and comments and behaviors hold much more weight than positive interactions. Make sure that for every one negative interaction, you have five positive interactions to counteract it—a touch, a laugh, a kiss, an act of love, a compliment.”
—Scott Haltzman, M.D.

7. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it…twice

“Try being adventurous in bed. Even if you don’t like something, give it at least two chances before you give up on it—it may grow on you!”
—Laura Berman, Ph.D.

8. Be the first to offer the olive branch

“Often when there’s a problem, each person will wait for the other to take the initiative to work things out. But the longer you wait, the more frustrated you both get and the worse you feel. Try making the first move to break a stalemate. It doesn’t mean that you’re giving in. You’re getting the ball rolling, rather than being stuck.”
—Norman Epstein, Ph.D.

9. Learn how to communicate without saying a word

“We are profoundly affected by touch, both physically and emotionally. Happy couples touch each other frequently. A caring touch offers a simple acknowledgment of your partner, saying, ‘Way to go’ or ‘I know that was difficult for you,’ without words.”
—Alan Hovestadt, Ed.D.

10. Cultivate trust to grow intimacy

“Trust issues are like sparks in a dry forest—you want to deal with them as fast as you can, whether it’s something major, like an affair, or something smaller, like a wife sharing intimate things about her marriage with her best friend. You have to remove the reasons for lack of trust so that you can both feel safe sharing yourselves deeply.”
—Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D.


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